If you say goodbye today
by Vlindervin
Summary: Nico comes back from a quest severly injured. Will does everything in his power to heal him, but it all goes wrong.


People are running around, yelling and crying out in panic. As if this is the first time something like this happened. As if panicking will make things better.

Will wishes they'd all disappear, or at the very least shut up.

He can't think like this. All he sees is Nico lying on the ground in front of the big house, blood all over his body. It's impossible to tell where it is coming from, although it's clear that it's his. Will has never felt sick at the sight of blood, but there's a first time for everything. All his senses are sharp, he sees Nico lying there more clearly than he has ever seen something in his entire life, the other campers yelling for help are making it hard for him to concentrate; he might be imagining it, but he thinks he can smell the blood. Everything's working, except for his brain. It refuses to leave the boyfriend mode and switch to healing mode. He's just standing there looking at the chaos and stuck in place, not really believing what's happening.

Cecil has to physically shake him and yell for him to _do something. do something, you're the best healer we have!_ before he reacts. Something in his brain jumps on, a fire starts burning, a little voice tells him what to do, the healer in him stirs awake.

He straightens his back, determination in his eyes. He marches up to where Nico is laying, blocking out the noise by simply _not listening_ to it. He's done this countless times before, this is not different than those times, he tells himself. He just has to heal a camper, no big deal. He can do it.

Except that this is not like all the times before, it's Nico. And when Will arrives at his side and lowers himself to his knees to inspect his boyfriend, he's painfully aware that this is his _boyfriend_ and that he looks worse than he expected.

He manages to sweep aside that surprise and the panic rising in his throat, to push past the love he's suddenly overcome by, to look at it objectively. Like a healer, not a boyfriend.

He examines Nico's body carefully, his eyes are closed, but he's still breathing _thank the gods._ Now that Will is close, he clearly sees that the blood is coming from Nico's side. He seems to have hit his head too. Where he found the strength to shadow travel back to camp in this state, will possibly always remain a mystery to Will. It's practically impossible, but he puts those thoughts down to ask Nico later, when he wakes up. Because he will wake up. There is no way Will is letting him die. He doesn't care what it takes, he's going to do anything to open those brown eyes again.

He yells a few directions to his siblings and sweeps Nico in his arms bridal style. He almost laughs doing so, it would be really fucking ironic if the only time he gets to do that is now.

They say people in a coma can hear you when you talk to them. Nico doesn't know if he's in a coma, but he knows he can hear everything around him. He can hear the usual busy noises of the infirmary, they sound more panicked and louder though. Like they sound when someone comes back from a quest severely injured.

 _Me,_ he realizes.

He can hear a voice, Austin he thinks, telling someone to grab a pack of blood. He hears

that someone bringing it. He hears Jason asking what happened and receiving a quick explanation. He hears him saying he's going to call Hazel. Nico wants him to tell him not to, he doesn't want people worrying about him. He's not dead. But he also knows that even if he told them to stop worrying, they wouldn't listen to him and do anyway.

But, clearer than everything, he can hear Will rummaging with various tools and singing hymns to his father. Pleading him to heal Nico. Nico easily detects the panic in Will's voice doing so. He's trying to stay strong, but Nico knows him well enough to hear he's not really succeeding.

'Please, Nico', he hears Will mutter. ' _Please_ , don't leave me.'

Nico wants to reach out and put his hand on Will's cheek. He wants to tell him that he's going to be fine. That it's not as bad as it looks. He has no way of knowing that, really. he's probably under a lot of painkillers. He can't really feel his body. He can't see, can't feel, only hear.

Until he suddenly _does_ feel something. It's like sunshine on your skin after you've been shuddering. It's the warmth you feel when you come home late and you're soaked by the rain. It's that moment when you wake up during the middle of a hot night, and it's finally cool enough to use the thin sheet you couldn't use before. It's being curled up on the sofa, watching the snow outside create a white blanket over the world, just like the one around your shoulders. It's taking the first sip of hot chocolate when you manage to find a coffee shop in the middle of winter. It's the feeling he gets when he's around Will.

The rational part of his brain know it's the magic Will is using to heal him, but the other part of his brain, that no one but Will gets to see occasionally, thinks it's _love._

He can still hear Will muttering things while he pours magic inside Nico. When he hears Will saying 'I love you, Nico. Wake up, you have to wake up. I can't lose you.' and his voice cracks at _Nico_ that he realizes Will is crying.

And Nico wants to wake up, he really does. He wants to make the tears disappear and see that bright smile, those blue eyes.

Nico had never cared much for summer before, but after falling in love with Will, it became his favorite season. Because Will practically _is_ summer. He's got the sun in his smile, and the blue sky in his eyes. Will is warmth and comfort and vacation, making everyone around him at ease and relax. He carries the feeling of peace, lazy mornings and freedom that comes with summer in his hands and guards the feeling of long nights, stars scattered around dark blue, staying up all night talking with soft music in the background in his kisses and careful touch.

Nico hears Austin telling Will to stop and get some rest, he'll take over. But Will refuses, he can do it, he will heal Nico.

'You're going to run out of magic. And what good will that do?.'

'I can do it' Nico hears Will snap. He can imagine Will's head shooting back, fire burning in his look. Then he yells. 'Everyone, get out. I can't concentrate like this. I can handle it, just go!'

Nico has only heard Will yell a couple of times. When he's mad, or too nervous to handle his emotions. It's probably a mixture of both those things this time.

When Nico's mad, it translates into his powers, he doesn't yell. He's frighteningly calm. When Will gets really mad, which rarely happens, he bursts, he explodes.

And it's a surprise. So when he yells at everyone to get out of the room, Nico knows they're leaving. And he doesn't like it. If there's no one to check on him, Nico is scared Will is going to tire himself out. His powers are strong, but they can run out and drain Will. Drain him of energy. By pushing the life back into Nico, he takes some of his own life. And if it's too much, he's not sure what will happen. Like a balloon. You can take the air out, but when you take too much, all there's left is a piece of plastic. And you can try putting the air back in, but it's never going to be the same, not like it used to be.

Nico wants to scream at Will to preserve some of his magic. To rest. He tries to tell him mentally. It doesn't work. Demigods have a lot of powers, but telepathy isn't one of them.

He can feel himself getting better, his wounds healing, the numb feeling going away and being replaced by a warm and tingling feeling. First his toes, then his feet, his legs, his stomach, arms and finally head and eyelids.

He opens his eyes.

Logically, Will knows he's draining himself and that Austin had a point. If he kills himself right now, all would have been for nothing. But the rational part of his brain is dominated by his boyfriend's lifeless body in front of him, lying so still. It breaks his heart. He can't lose him. He can't lose him; He can't lose him. And he will not lose him. He will not.

He uses as much healing power as he possibly can, praying to his father, all the olympians and God in general, not knowing whether he's real or not, but not caring either. He's praying to anyone hearing him. For help, for Nico.

But he feels tired and his magic is getting weaker, his eyelids are drooping. He's shaking, tears falling freely now, he doesn't have the courage and strength that it takes to stays strong and fight them. He feels Nico getting better, he can sense his recovery, just a little bit more. Just a little. He can do it.

He takes the last bit of energy he can possibly find and pours it into Nico. The last thing he sees before the world turns black, are Nico's brown eyes. The one thing he wanted to see. He smiles and he's gone.

The roles are reversed. Will's the one in bed this time. Helpless and unconscious. The difference is that Nico can't do anything. He's just sitting on the bed next to Will and holds his hand while the other healers are trying to find a way to bring his energy back.

Nico hates this, he hates it so much. He hates feeling this helpless, this _guilty._ He could've been a little more careful, not going into that battle without either calling for backup or at least think it through a little better. If Will's lying in the hospital bed, so pale, his hair sticking to his forehead, his heartbeat so weak Nico barely feels it when touching his pulse, if he's lying there like that, it's entirely Nico's fault.

Jason tells him it's not, he really does know Nico well. But guilt and self-hatred are things he's good at. They're things he knows well, and the feelings of hopelessness and darkness are welcoming him home like old friends.

The things he felt following Bianca's death, are creeping up on him, finding their way through the little cracks he hasn't had the chance to mend yet over the years of being happy.

He's learned to accept, say even appreciate, his powers as a son of Hades, but right now he wishes them all away. He can sense death. And it's so close. So, so close. It's just patiently waiting for Will's life to give up and hand him over. It's picking at the lock of Will's heart, trying to break in and steal his soul. Nico can feel it, but he's unable to do anything about it.

Will's siblings tell him there's nothing they can do really. Except for waiting and hoping and praying. Lou Ellen hugs Nico and tells him it's not his fault. She has tears in her eyes.

Nico doesn't cry. He's hollow inside. He has no idea of how many time has passed. It could be hours or days. When he looks out the window, the sun is shining. Nico would've preffered rain.

He falls asleep once, but wakes up shuddering, his nightmares worse now that Will can't bring him comfort.

Jason gets him some food. He eats a little bit, he's not hungry though.

'He's not dead, Nico.', Jason says after sitting down next to Nico. 'He'll be fine.'

'You don't know that.'

Jason doesn't say anything after that, simply offering silent comfort. Somehow, that only makes thing worse. He's not the one that deserves comfort. It's his fault after all. Nico turns his head away from Jason like it hurts his eyes.

And after a while, Jason gets up and leaves.

Nico can barely feel how tired he is, his eyes are burning, but he can't afford to go to sleep. Will could wake up. He could also the exact opposite. So he doesn't and he's certain that if Will dies, Nico will get sucked into that same spiral of death that's been following him ever since he was a child. His mother, his sister. If the person he loves most in the world goes too, he doesn't think he'll ever recover. Every person that's ever left him, took a piece of his soul and heart. There would be nothing left.

When he almost loses hope, he suddenly realizes the dark feeling of death isn't there anymore. It's not right around the corner, he can barely feel and he's flooded by this sudden sense of relief. The feeling is too much, it's begging to be freed somehow and the only way he can think of is by tears. So, he lets them run, not holding back anymore, like he's done since the beginning. And when he finally lets them go, there's really no way to make them stop. It's fairly easy to keep a door shut against the wind, but once it's open there's almost no way to close it again.

He does nothing to keep the sounds hidden. The people currently present turn around to look at him in concern. He ignores them and stands up from the chair he's sitting in instead. He lowers himself on his knees next to the bed. He's still holding Will's hand and squeezing it as if it's the only thing keeping him alive.

'Will', he whispers, his voice hoarse from lack of sleep and choked by tears. 'Will, wake up.'

Nico feels the life in Will getting stronger. He's sobbing at this point, wretched.

Then Will opens his eyes. Nico throws his arms around his neck and buries his face in the crook of his neck. He can't stop crying, so he just sobs into Will's chest while telling him how happy is and how much he loves him. Will puts his arms around Nico and caresses his back, comforting him and calming him down.

Nico pulls back to look at him. He knows he probably looks bad. His eyes red and cheeks splotched. Bags under his eyes and the worry still etched on his face, but he doesn't care.

'You idiot!', he exclaims. 'You fucking idiot. Don't ever do that again. I was fine, you didn't have to do that. Do you know how hard it would've been if you had died because of me?'

Will smiles at him again, whispers a quiet _I'm sorry,_ and hugs him tight.

Nico groans in relief and lets his head fall down in Will's chest, while Will says: 'It's okay now. We're both okay. I love you too.'


End file.
